Tears and Cigs
by Intoxicating Kisses
Summary: It's been six months since that fateful night in June, and Remus has yet to leave Grimmauld Place. Tonks comes to check on him, and they find comfort in one another.


**Title: Tears and Cigs  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all characters and settings therein are the property of JK Rowling. I am in no way profiting monetarily from this fanfiction.  
Summary: It's been six months since that fateful night in June, and Remus has yet to leave Grimmauld Place. Tonks comes to check on him, and they find comfort in one another.**

* * *

Tonks pushed the heavy door open, her red-rimmed eyes surveying the dark house. It was empty, save for one person, but he was nowhere to be found. She stepped in and shut the door behind her, the loud click of the lock making her wince. Making her way into the kitchen, she tried not to focus on how everything seemed to remind her of Sirius, right down to the house elves on the wall.

A sad sort of smile graced her lips as she thought of the hats her cousin had put on them almost a year before. It was coming up on six months since the 'Ministry Incident', as Alastor seemed to enjoy calling it. She shook her head and stepped through the doorway of the kitchen, barely suppressing a gasp when she saw Remus sitting there at the table.

"Hello, Nymphadora," he said, not looking up from his teacup. He was too thin, the shirt he was wearing, one of Sirius' from the looks of it, was barely able to stay on his shoulders. Tonks had not seen him since the first month after Sirius died, and she was shocked at how little he'd taken care of himself.

"Wotcher," she murmured, moving to sit across from him. His eyes were dull, and the wrinkles around them more pronounced than they had been. Not that she looked much better, mind, it's just that she was so used to Remus being composed, polite, smiling. The man in front of her looked as if he had never smiled in his life.

"Did they send you to check up on me?" he asked, bitterly. His eyebrows were drawn together as he frowned.

"No," she returned, a little hurt. "I came because I haven't seen you in five months and I wanted to see how you were doing."

Remus looked up at her then, spreading his arms out. "Well? How do I look?"

"Like a skeleton," Tonks said, reaching into her pocket. She pulled out a muggle cigarette and lit it with her wand. Taking a drag, she blew the smoke out slowly, her eyes never leaving his.

He let his arms fall and stared into his teacup again. "I see." The silence stretched between them, broken only by Tonks exhaling smoke every once in a while. "Would you like some tea?"

Tonks nodded, but held up her hand. "Don't worry. I'll get it." She stood and walked over to the sink to get a clean cup. When the tea was finished, she didn't return to her seat. Instead, she hopped up and sat on the counter, her head resting against the cabinets. She alternated between taking a drag from her cigarette and sipping her tea. Tears stung the corners of her eyes, but she had neither the desire nor the energy to wipe them away.

Remus came over to the sink, not noticing wetness of her cheeks. He rinsed his cup and set it down, only looking at her when a sob escaped. "Nymphadora..."

"Tonks," she corrected, her voice weak. She lifted her head from the cabinet and hopped down from the counter. "I'm sorry.. I can't..." she sniffed, overcome with emotion. "I can't be here."

She tried to push past him, but he wrapped his arms around her, his strength apparently still in top form. "Just talk to me."

"I can't," she whimpered, still struggling to be let loose. "Everywhere I look I'm reminded of him." Remus' arms tensed around her. "I know it's probably worse for you, but he was.." she broke off on a sob. "He was my hero. As a child, I felt safe when he was around because I knew he'd never let anything happen to me." She went limp in Remus' arms, and they both sank to the floor.

"It will be all right," Remus murmured as she cried against his chest. "It has to be."

He felt her shake her head. "No, it won't. We'll always see him. Hear him. It's inevitable."

Remus felt his own eyes begin to burn, but he had to stay strong. It wouldn't do to turn into a bawling baby when Tonks was clearly in need of some comfort.

"Stop that," she said, pushing herself back far enough to look into his eyes. "You have every right to break down. I doubt you've even left the house since June. Am I right?"

Remus looked away, but nodded. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse. "I can't leave. It's as if I'm tied to this house because it belonged to Sirius." He hated using the past tense when it came to his lover, but what was he to do? He couldn't bring him back no matter how much he wanted to. Tears were falling freely, but he didn't notice. "At night's it's worse. I see him in my dreams. I see what might have been."

"It's a terrible feeling, isn't it?"

He nodded again. "The worst."

Tonks wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug, her chin resting on his shoulder. The dam broke. He clenched his fists in the fabric of her shirt, clinging to her like a lifeline. They stayed like that, taking comfort from one another, for what felt to them like days. When they found they couldn't cry any more, they pulled apart.

"I'm-" Remus began, but Tonks interrupted.

"If you start apologizing I swear to Merlin himself that I will kick you in the balls." The look in her eye told him she meant every word, so he stayed quiet. After another bout of silence, Tonks yawned. "I always get tired after crying like that," she murmured, smiling sheepishly.

"It's all right," he said. "Er, you're welcome to stay, if you'd like. No one's been in your room as far as I know."

"I think I may take you up on that offer," she replied, pulling another cigarette from her pocket, lighting it. She noticed Remus eyeing it, and held it out to him. "Do you want one?"

He nodded, and plucked it from her fingers. She lit another for herself while he took his first drag. And began coughing. She patted his back a bit. "It takes a little while to get used to."

"I know," he muttered, standing. He pulled her to her feet as well and they headed upstairs. On the way up, they finished their cigarettes and put them out, banishing them to the trash bin in the hall. Stopping in front of Tonks' old room, they fidgeted in an awkward silence, both of them wanting the same thing, but neither willing to ask.

"Er," Tonks started, blushing, "Would you... could... oh, bother. Do you think maybe you could stay with me tonight?" Before Remus could reply, she rambled on. "I mean, I just don't want to be alone in this big, empty house, especially not so close to his room."

"It's fine, Nym- Tonks," Remus replied, smiling softly.

"Really? Because if you don't want to-"

"It's fine," he repeated, and they enter the room. Tonks moved over to the bed and curled up underneath of the blankets.

"You can sleep on top of the blankets or underneath," she muttered, laying down. Remus just shook his head and curled up beside her. She was already asleep, her breathing slow and even. He stayed awake for a bit longer, going over the evening in his mind. Before he fell asleep, he said two words that he'd been holding in since that fateful night.

"Goodbye, Sirius."

**A/N: A sequel is being written as we speak. Keep an eye out for it. **


End file.
